Shit Photojournalists Like

Freelancing

Mon, 13 May 2013 11:08:00 -0400

Quick story from Taylor: When I was back in Missouri for the holidays, I found out that my cousins (my adult cousins, mind you), thought that freelancing meant that I worked for free, and that all I did was sit in my pajamas and wait for someone to call me (which is only a half truth).

The real truth is that when we were all photo babies, we were taught that if we worked hard enough, got the best internships and gave ritual sacrifices to the photo gods, we would be rewarded with a staff photography job at a small paper. Eventually that small paper would lead to a bigger one, then an even bigger one, and soon we’d have the job we’d always dreamed of!

It’s not so much the case anymore. Journalism is a fickle mistress who happens to be cheating on us with a reporter holding an iPhone, thus more of us are freelancing than ever. But that’s not a bad thing!

Awesome things about freelancing

1. As mentioned above, there is an optimum amount of pajama time.

2. Are you dicking around on social media? That’s called marketing, my friend!

3. Everyone is a better editor after they have three beers, duh. (but seriously, don’t drink and photo).

4. More time to pursue those bullshit personal projects we’re all so fond of.

5. Freedom to create a niche for the kind of work you want to do, which is seriously the best. You want to specialize in baby animal photography, then you fucking specialize in baby animal photography.

Not-so-awesome things about freelancing

1. The entire month of fucking January

2. The slight sense of panic you feel every time a new photographer moves to your city, even it’s a friend of yours. (“Oh, you’re thinking of moving to Chicago? I heard that Boise, Idaho is where it’s at these days for freelance work. Maybe you should move there).

3. You are your own editor, and your own worst enemy.

4. What is this ‘accounting’ thing of which you speak? What are ‘taxes’?

5. You might spend 20% of your time actually taking pictures, if that. The rest of the time is dedicated to emailing, accounting, designing, editing, etc.

Basically, being a freelance photographer is like giving your phone number to that hot girl at the bar. You put yourself out there, and you hope to god that someone calls you back. But is it worth it?

YOU BET YOUR SWEET ASS IT IS.

Portfolios

Mon, 25 Feb 2013 12:18:00 -0500

The perfect singles portfolio follows a formula, right? Feature, news, spot news, portrait and sports action. We have some thoughts on that, and chances are, your current body of work looks like something as follows:

Photo of a candlelight vigil: Soft, flickering candlelight, people embracing in tears and high ISOs. You gotta ‘in’ that shit.

People freaking the fuck out at a sports event: Could be players, could be the spectators at the sidelines. Either way, their arms are up and their mouths are open. For some reason this type of photo is referred to as “jube” which sounds far too much like something sexual.

The kid feature: Truly the pinnacle of your abilities right here.

The Presidential photo: Oh hey, you photographed Barack Obama once? Cool story, bro.

The ‘artsy’ photos: You added some personal photos to your website to show how free-thinking and different you are from your colleagues. Everyone photographs their loved ones sitting/being blurry in cool light, but you were the only one with enough of an artist’s soul to dedicate your portfolio to it.

The spot news photo: Look! You made it to the scene in time to catch the last flame peter out! The composition sucks, the focus is off and there’s more noise than fire, but you’re damn proud to add this essential photo to the portfolio dreams are fucking made of.

A “fun-run” photo: Man, those are some sweet-ass, completely unique shots of people running through mud/throwing color/wearing zany and outrageous costumes! But guess what? Even your grandma made that lame photo, so get over yourself.

The portrait you’re really proud of lighting: Look ma! No window light!

The ‘layered’ photo: Yeah, keep trying.

In Your Bag

Fri, 09 Nov 2012 10:28:04 -0500

The contents of Taylor’s bag plus Leroy cat

Have you ever seen another photographer on an assignment and wondered what kind of heat they were packing? You haven’t? Well, too bad, because they want to tell you about it anyway.

Photojournalists love selfies, and they love talking about their gear, so it only makes sense that they would be all about making “In My Bag” blog posts, which is pretty much a selfie of your junk. What’s in your bag? Let me guess. A camera? Maybe some lenses? COLOR ME SURPRISED. Honestly, you are probably a nice person with good gear, but who gives two shits if we have the same lens?

Anywho, the writers at SPL have decided that since you guys apparently love this shit so much, that we’d clue you in on the mystical secrets of our own camera bags. Prepare to be thrilled.

Taylor:

My bag is an itty bitty Thinktank Urban Disguise 20 and it might as well belong to Mary fuckin’ Poppins because I’ve crammed as many items as possible into it. Inside you’ll find a 50mm f1.4, a 35mm f1.4, an 85mm f1.8 and a 70-200mm f2.8. The 70-200 is the red-headed stepchild of my lenses (apologies to all redheaded stepchildren), because it’s stupid and heavy. I like primes because I’m obviously really deep and artistic. Because I am a tortured artist, I have several 35mm film cameras that I like to swap in and out of my bag. One of them looks like a box of apple juice, which Eve bought for me because she’s an enabler.

You’ll also find several stray batteries, a green CF card wallet, a smeared reporters notebook, crumpled business cards and dollar bills from my ‘other’ job, plus lots of pens that are pretty much out of ink. I also like to keep tampons in the outer pocket so I can accidentally pull them out when I’m handing business cards to people.

Clint:

I like to think of my camera bag as a time capsule. My own personal DSLR is a 5 year old Canon that soccer moms and I have gotten a lot of use out of. I’ve got a Tamron 28-75mm f/2.8, a Canon 50mm f/1.8, a Holga and Lomography ring flash for those unexpected hipster moments in life and an external flash with a shattered diffusor plate (from the time a few subjects and I tested the limits of our livers). Luckily, the miniature soft box I carry around acts as a diffusor just as well. I’ve got two notebooks, one for note-taking in the field and one for clarifying just how much I enjoy Star Wars.

Other crap in my bag includes pens, business cards, CF cards, an external hard drive, earplugs and a 3 month old issue of Esquire (no joke, I just never got around to reading it).

Eve:

My camera bag tends to be a big klutz just like me, but it’s tough, so it gets by. I have a Retrospective 20 in army green, which makes me feel like a bad ass in a far away land when in actuality, I’m covering a high school volleyball game.

Inside you’ll often find too many lenses for my own good. My go-to lens is my 35mm 1.4, which is back in my hands after a brief vacation at my mentor’s house (apparently, I was using it too much). In addition, I have a 50mm 1.4, a 85mm 1.8, a 50 macro for beloved food assignments and a 70-200mm 2.8, for when I really want to show how much I’m packing. My Diana gets thrown into the mix every now and then, too. I also carry a flash, because sometimes, you just gotta have it. To accompany said flash, I have several dead batteries, which are obviously really handy.

You’ll find ink stains from exploded pens, business cards from assignments, crumpled notepads, and more lens caps then I have lenses. (I know, I know, I don’t know how that happened).

What’s in your bag? We really don’t care but you might as well tell us anyway.

Senior Portraits

Tue, 10 Jul 2012 10:23:00 -0400

There comes a time in every teenager’s life when parents want to cherish how awkward their children are at seventeen. For a photographer, this means not only dealing with a tough client, but also their stage-mom parents standing off to the side. If you thought your editor was bad, just wait until you have a hormonal teenager giving their opinion on your work. You’ll never hear a positive comment about the shot, only about how fat you made them look.

“Hush, I promise you look totally great leaning against that abandoned couch I found behind Wal-Mart. Now please twist your arms into an uncomfortable fashion. Perfect!”

Everyone knows that in order to make the best senior photos, you need to be trendy as fuck. Stick them in an alleyway, desaturate that shit, slap on a vignette and boom! MOTHA FUCKIN’ MEMORIES. Every photographer loves to be told how to shoot, especially by some punk who uploads to instagram in between classes.

When we were growing up, our parents wanted photos of us in front sunflower fields and studio painted backgrounds. But now these kids are posing spread-legged in underpasses and junkyards. So we try and please the clients, until we look down at the LCD screen and realize that we’ve sold our souls. We try to balance our vision while showing mustangs, flaming balls, tennis rackets and anything else corny this confused teen thinks they find their identity in (to be fair, Clint posed with a rugby ball for his portraits and Eve with flowers for hers. Taylor was too cool to pose with anything. Obviously).

Photo Editors

Tue, 19 Jun 2012 11:40:01 -0400

There is a mystical land just beyond the copy desk, hidden away and kept secret. It is said that great sorcerers work there, day in and day out. All who enter their domain fear them. They are the photo editors, and you shall bow before their power.

Seriously though, working with photo editors is like being across the table from the best card player in the world. What the hell are they thinking? Do they… Do they know I’m in the room? Quite possibly even worse than the verbal lashing that can be doled out so easily by an editor is their second choice of communication: silence. If your photo editor has gotten two-thirds of the way through your take and hasn’t spoken a word to you yet, it’s probably best that you step out of the room. Don’t linger and make awkward small talk. AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT.

These Shaman of the newsroom always manage to find your best image even if you didn’t see it. They’re the ones who tell you to quit your bitching and reshoot the assignment you so clearly half-assed. Without a photo editor, publications would be ass-to-ankles in Instagram photos (of whatever bullshit it is Instagrammers take photos of) and 20 different varieties of sports-resembling blur. And cat photos. Don’t forget the cat photos.

Also, the ever-elusive silent nod of approval? That’s like getting a fucking gold star from that teacher who hated you in elementary school.

So the next time you’re in the newsroom, thank your photo editor… Just don’t touch them and don’t turn your back as you leave the room.

Personal Projects

Fri, 27 Apr 2012 12:39:40 -0400

A photojournalism professor once said that in order to be a truly successful photographer (and not go insane), you worked to put food on the table, and then you needed to find something that lit your hair on fire. I think this analogy had something to do with burning passion, but I’m not sure. At the time it was moderately terrifying. I’ve mostly blocked it from my memory.

I digress.

Personal projects are what keep you going when you’ve shot nothing but building mugs for a week. Personal projects are a breath of fresh air. Personal projects are mostly bullshit.

I’ve heard tell of an age when a project was something that had some kind of ultimate long-term theme or goal (hence the term, “project”). However, as of late, a personal project is any collection of random photos you want to slap a meaningful title onto. After all, it’s…like, personal, right?

Film photos you took of trash cans and discarded mattresses? Project. Cell phone selfies you took with Hipstamatic in gas station restrooms across the midwest? Project. 25 blurry photos of you and your friends drinking PBR in sweet light? You better fucking believe that’s a project. Naked photos you took of your roommate sleeping? Maybe we should have a private chat about that one.

You may be saying, “These photos are for no one but me! I’m not trying to impress anyone! These are the photos that matter!” We disagree with you. For photos that are so deeply personal, you’ve sure dedicated a lot of your twitter feed with links directing to the new gallery on your website.

Don’t act like you haven’t done it. We all have. I have a gallery of pictures I took of my feet with a fucking e.e. cummings quote on my website for christ’s sake, and you know I linked to that shit on my Facebook.

Personal ain’t so personal after all (especially if it increases your web traffic).

Now…about those nude pictures? Hit us up with an email.

POYi Chatroom

Thu, 16 Feb 2012 18:34:00 -0500

(sweet-ass chart courtesy of Janna Dotschkal)

OUT OUT OUT OUT OUT OUT OUT

The POYi chat room is a terrifying place. It might as well bear a sign proclaiming, ‘Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Enter Here,” or “Abandon All Rules of Grammar and Spelling.” Seriously, can any of you guys spell? For more fun, visit poyichatroomheroes.tumblr.com. If you look carefully, our writers make a few cameos.

We feel sorry for the poor souls watching the livestream and seeing their year of hard work fly by. It hurts even worse if it gets past the first round (and in some cases, it’s pulled in, kicked out, pulled in, then kicked out again. Melissa Lyttle has got to be weeping into her glass of Fat Tire right now).

Thanks to the miraculous interwebs, we all get to voice our opinions, because they obviously matter so much. If it’s not bad enough to hear the deputy photo editor of the NY Times digging into your work, you have to deal with ‘guest 4’ bitching about how hard you suck. Spoiler alert: you suck so hard. Even the popcorn man thinks so.

The chat room has also made many feel as though their opinions are holier than the photo gods. Chatting with the legends doesn’t make you one. Since when did ‘Will from Will and Grace’ become a photo expert? You want to define a category? Go call Rick Shaw, POYi organizer. We’re sure he would just love to hear your brilliant thoughts.

It doesn’t matter if you have a great, fucking photo that contains all of the layers (all of them), sweet light, and amazing colors. If it doesn’t involve a revolution, kiss it goodbye. Does your picture story end in death? No? OUT.

Camera Apps

Mon, 23 Jan 2012 12:44:03 -0500

The digital age has certainly transformed photography, but the best (and also possibly the worst) weapon in the digital world’s arsenal is the camera app. The app that finally does it all: exposes, captures, and edits… In seconds! Why would I get out my gigantic camera with all its complicated buttons when I can snap a photo, send a text or two, check my email and then tweet said photo? Boom. All done. Toning? What’s that?

Damon Winter placed in POYi for a story he shot with his Hipstamatic app, and you know what, good for him. We’re not here to talk about where the line is, and the people upset about Winter’s award were actually just pissed cause they didn’t think of it first. Hell, even the guy who called Winter out took back what he said.

The problem with these apps isn’t how they’re being used. It’s who’s using them. The photographic elite shudder to know that with the aid of Instagram, everyone thinks they are a great photographer (try asking that Instagrammer what shutter speed is). Plus, it doesn’t hurt our naturally large egos that we can see how many people like our photos. Instagratification.

Suddenly, that chick from high school that worked at Olan Mils is posting a photo on Facebook, and even though you hate to admit it, it’s actually kind of a cool photo. Sure, it’s of a half-eaten homemade dinner that’s slightly out of focus, but man, doesn’t that vignette just add something? And those colors! I didn’t know beef could be teal! We’re breaching a whole new level of art here, and maybe that’s why we love to hate camera apps.

After all, it’s the solution to all of our problems as photographers. Every filter in Hipstamatic or Instagram is the long-desired “unsuck filter”. It allows us to take a photo on an assignment that we think is good but would never legitimately turn into our editor. We can just blog/tweet/facebook/tumble it later.

By all means, Instagram to your heart’s content. Just keep the fake Polaroid photos of your cat to a minimum.

Funemployment

Fri, 09 Dec 2011 00:24:11 -0500

Well, this sucks. You didn’t get that job/internship/grant, or you got laid off and are looking at a lot of changes. You have a few months of uncertainty on your hands, and luckily for you, Shit Photojournalists Like is here to make it all better. We have plenty of suggestions for how to handle your downtime.

1. Give up.

2. Just kidding, don’t do that. That would be stupid.

3. Don’t give up, suck it up. You are allowed one week or less to mope around and annoy your friends with “woe is me” bullshit. After that, get over it. As the great Jay-Z says, “99 problems but a bitch ain’t one.” Wait, wrong quote, I think we’re actually looking for something along the lines of “Onto the next one.”

4. Change your Facebook job status to “So-and-So works at Freelance Photography”, and then sit on your ass until someone calls you for work.

5. Draft a business plan, call some possible clients, get your name out there and actually get some shit done.

6. Don’t use social media as your pity party. Nobody likes a whiner. Maybe some charming self-deprecation, but no bitching allowed.

7. Designate targets for positive feedback, aka, your dear mother. This is, of course, assuming that your mother loves you. (“Dear, I saw your photos of that parade, they were so lovely!” “THANKS MA”)

8. Make up a really vague job opportunity that’s a few months in the future so people will stop asking you if you’re still doing that whole “picture taking thing.” Make sure it’s somewhere exotic and involves several sexy assistants.

9. Shoot events for fun and and silently judge the professional photographer who’s actually getting paid, because after all, you’re clearly the better choice.

10. Pursue that personal project you’ve always wanted to do. If you take one Hipstamatic photo of yourself in a gas station bathroom, it’s vanity, but if you take one in every state, it’s art, right?

Seriously though, this is your time to kick some ass in your own way. Do it.

Cigarettes

Wed, 09 Nov 2011 15:29:43 -0500

This may not be applicable to every photographer out there, but I’ll be damned if there isn’t a photog out there who hasn’t been sitting around waiting for a subject and thought, “I would look so fucking cool if I were smoking a cigarette right now.” If Dennis Hopper could do it, so can I.

Journalism and cigarettes were once synonymous with each other, and a glorious time it was. Everyone in the newsroom smelled like cigarette butts, scotch and freedom of the press. How else do you think photo editors make it through a shift? All these kids with their bullshit and lust for life. One day they’ll realize just how shitty the world is, and they’ll be sucking down Marlboro reds like the rest of us.

What else is a photographer to do when killing time? The high school football game doesn’t start for another 45 minutes and you’re too broke to afford a smartphone. So do like you did when YOU were in high school: sneak out to your car and light up that American-grown goodness like the principal isn’t watching. Feel the burn. All is well.

Despite all the horrible things that cigarettes do to the human body (and we’re completely aware of those things), it just seems like the right thing to do. What better way to get quick access to a homeless population than by showing up with a carton of the heaviest cigarettes legally sold in America? Whether you’re racing across town chasing a goddamn hot air balloon because there is literally nothing else to shoot for the space on 5A; or if you’re just looking for an excuse to get out of the newsroom while the design desk crops your image more and more to fit the page, cigarettes are a staple for photojournalists.

AND, if they aren’t your bag… Well get on board, you’re missing out dude.

Note: This isn’t an intentional advertisement for cigarettes, but if Camel were to stumble across this post, I wouldn’t be upset if they sent a few complimentary cartons my way.

The 'Death' of Photojournalism

Mon, 03 Oct 2011 13:58:00 -0400

This will prove to be a slight departure from our usual programming, because WE’RE MAD AS HELL AND WE’RE NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE

To be completely blunt, photographers have a tendency to freak out over the slightest developments in the industry, whether it be for better or for worse. What can we say? We’re just a passionate bunch. Whether it’s a Hipstamatic photo story placing in POYi, or Adobe Photoshop CS5 having content-aware-fill, somewhere out there is an asshole, cowering in defeat, or perhaps trolling on the Internet with those three dreaded words:

“Photojournalism is dead.”

What the hell does that mean anyway? Should we hold a wake? Is there going to be a rebirth? Does this mean there are no more stories to tell? Where have all the cowboys gone?

Alex Garcia wrote a great little piece about photojournalism’s stinking, rotting corpse on the esteemed Chicago Tribune’s photo blog just a few days ago.

Therefore, it’s fitting that shortly after Garcia’s post, the NPPA’s Visual Student Blog posted “Advice for a Freshman”, a column of advice from graduates and students about how to stay above the negativity and figure out whether or not this career path is for them. Short and sweet. Granted, some advice is a little twee, but not everyone can be as hardcore and jaded as we are here at SPL. Anyway, pretty inoffensive, right?

Then this happened on the Facebook page of the aforementioned blog post’s author:

Thanks, man. We’ve been so sheltered. Whatever would we do without the logic of your cold, twisted heart? Time to give up before we even start.

We’re not idiots. We know the industry is in trouble. We know there’s a good chance that we’ll be baristas before we’ll be award-winning photographers. But hell if we aren’t going to try.

We respect older photographers, but we don’t appreciate the negativity that comes with so many years in the field. They paved the way for us, but that doesn’t mean the road is finished.

We’re going to stop talking before we hazard into schmaltzy after school special bullshit. We’ll end with some of Garcia’s words from his aforementioned blog post, because he said it best:

“In looking for constructive criticism, you will have to avoid the toxic people - the ones who constantly accuse you of weaknesses, failings or the futility of your aspirations. “

Preach.

You Know You're a Photojournalist When...

Fri, 16 Sep 2011 23:43:00 -0400

You Know You're a Photojournalist When...:

This blog post from the Chicago Tribune has been making the rounds lately, for good reason.

I would add:

You love working weekends because that’s when the more interesting assignments occur
You shudder at the phrase “building mug”
Your diet has turned into cigarettes and to-go cups of coffee
Instead of saying “National Geographic” you say “Nat Geo”
You shoot a beautiful daylight scene at ISO 3200 because you forgot to change your settings from the night before
You argue with fellow photographers about the best camera settings. Aperture Priority vs. Manual, back focus button vs. front, etc.
You have more hard drives than pairs of shoes
You cuss like a mother fucking sailor.

What’s missing?

Gear

Tue, 06 Sep 2011 16:13:09 -0400

I was recently informed by a fine art photography student that having expensive gear means that you’ve lost sight of the true “art” of photography. This managed to make me laugh condescendingly and get extremely pissed at the same time.

I’ve determined that when it comes to gear, there are three types of photojs (because lumping people into broad categories is fun). Let’s discuss, shall we?

1.The “Latest Thing” photojournalist

If it was released within the last month, there’s a strong chance that this asshole has it. Who needs a 1D Mark IV, a 5d Mark II, AND a 7D? This guy.
Having a conversation with this person is painful. Jargon, jargon, fps, jargon.
Remember, there’s a chance that even though this photog is using a fucking D3bonermachine or whatever, their pictures will still be boring as hell.

2. The “It’s Not About the Equipment” photojournalist

More likely than not, this photographer is very insecure about their equipment, and/or doesn’t know how to use it. Therefore, this person will categorize every person with technical knowledge or nice equipment a snob.
Having a conversation with this person can also be painful. “What is this elusive ‘ISO’ of which you speak?”
Don’t be shy. Own your camera in all its shitty glory.
But you should prooobably upgrade soon. Best ways to make some fast cash: grand theft auto or hooking.*

3.The “Balanced” photojournalist

You know that the gear doesn’t make the picture, but it certainly helps. As someone who upgraded from a Rebel XTi to a 5D Mark II, it comes down to a simple conclusion: some cameras can just handle more shit.
And by shit, I mean shit. You’re still gonna make some god-awful photos with that mkii.

In summary: know your gear, love your gear, and don’t be a dick about it.

See this video for more information: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0la5DBtOVNI

*SPL in no way condones grand theft auto…

Editor’s note: ‘hooking’ is not in reference to fishing, which is what I thought. THE MORE YOU KNOW!

Grain

Tue, 09 Aug 2011 12:31:28 -0400

Sure, we love owning that full frame tack sharp beast that cost us $2500+ - because that badass baby can shoot at ISO 32,000! No wait, it goes up to 64,000! Time to crank up the grain for that “I was there for real and it was gritty man, totally gritty” feeling. Doesn’t matter if the light is decent, we are going all the way for 64k.

Why stop there?

Can it go up to ISO 128,000?

Why yes, it can!

Quickly, please find me some orphans smoking cigarettes in a graveyard in war-torn country X with zero available light (sans the glowing cigarettes), and we can go to ISO 128,000 for the PJ win!

Then we’ll post in black and white (because you really weren’t THERE unless it’s in black and white), and we’ll drop it into Photoshop to add even more noise grain! If they can’t count the individual pixels when it goes to print, you have failed.

//Apologies to warn-torn cigarette smoking orphans everywhere, we do love you.

-submitted by Christian DeBaun

Bios in Third Person

Fri, 05 Aug 2011 20:46:00 -0400

We all know that having a website is vital to staying afloat as a photographer. It’s also very important to have a bio page on your website, just to give your potential clients a little taste of what kind of photographer they’re hiring. The greatest thing about the bio page is that even though we so carefully craft that page (and search through a thesaurus for hours for adjectives that can replace “awesome” and “bonerific”) they still exactly express our personalities and what kind of photographer we are.

Now, I’m not saying this is always a good thing. Some of us are douche bags. Without question, the funniest “about me” pages are the ones in third person. “So-and-so is a freelance photographer based in Doucheville who is passionate about his craft. All his life, he has found beauty in shapes and light, and has attempted to document what he sees for the rest of the world to view it with him.”

Alongside the fluffy text that would make the photographer’s own mother say, “Eeeh, pushing it,” is of course some horrifically dramatic photo of the photographer staring deeply into the camera that he set up by himself on a Saturday night. If you can’t have fun with your own bio page, you’re doing something wrong.

That being said, check out our new “about us” page! It’s in third person and everything!

Note: If your bio page is in third person and talks about how you viewed the world as a child, no offense was meant. But we’ll still giggle at it when we see it.

My little cousin wants to be a photojournalist. I’m not...

Thu, 04 Aug 2011 14:31:00 -0400

My little cousin wants to be a photojournalist. I’m not going to reveal the harsh reality/this blog to her anytime soon. -T

Collectives

Wed, 20 Jul 2011 13:33:31 -0400

When we hear the word collective, several scenes come to mind: people living together, working together, eating together, and having dirty, dirty sex together. So naturally, a photo collective is all of those things, too, right?

A photo collective is formed when one awesome photographer is BFFL with other awesome photographers, and they decide to take things to the next level (this is where the dirty sex…er…I mean photographic magic…happens). I like to think that the formation of LUCEO happened something like this:

Matt Eich: Dude, you’re amazing.
Matt Slaby: No, dude, you’re amazing.
Matt Eich: You know what? I think we’re all amazing, bro.
Matt Slaby: You’re totes correct. We should bond our skills together and become the Justice League of photography.

[crying and hugging ensues, LUCEO is born]

If you’re only moderately talented, don’t worry, you can still form a collective, too! When it comes to making a photo super group, all you really need is a sweet-ass/obscure-as-hell name. How does tectonic plates moving apart relate to photography? We don’t know, but it sure sounds fucking cool when you are bragging about it to all your non-collective friends.

Don’t forget to make it confusing to pronounce so you have several opportunities to correct every dumbass around you. If you’re really desperate, you can just resort to using a foreign language. Italian or French is fancy, right?

Camera Bags

Tue, 28 Jun 2011 02:36:35 -0400

High-quality, journalistic photo of writer clutching her four-year-old bag and remembering all of the good times they had together.

Congratulations. Your saving, scrimping, and eating nothing but high-protein granola bars for the past year has paid off. You have a brand new camera, but something is missing. That’s right, you require a bag to house your precious.

Your needs are very specific. You didn’t sleep on a mattress on the floor for nothing. You put your heart, soul, and wallet into buying this delicate gear, so there’s no way in hell you’re going to put it just anywhere.

Ask any photojournalist about their bag(s), and their eyes will take on the far-off gleam of a parent describing the birth of their first child. Chances are the photoj in question will have one, two, or maybe even three bags to suit their needs. An outsider may be puzzled by the fiendish bag hoarder, but we know better.

Going on a short assignment? There’s a bag for that. Overnight assignment? There’s a bag for that. Going to fly somewhere? There’s even more bags for that. And guess what. YOU NEED THEM ALL.

Their names are so exciting that you can’t help but dream of them. The Speed Demon. The Slingshot. The Urban Disguise. With so many compartments and interchangeable partitions, they ooze pure sex appeal.

So what kind of bag are you? A belt-pack? A backpack? A shoulder bag? If you’re a rollie bag, we need to have a talk.

Shooting From the Hip

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 21:45:34 -0400

How do you take photos? As a photojournalist, chances are that you peer through the viewfinder, find the right exposure, discover a sweet-ass background and wait. And wait. And maybe wait a little more.

Hell, let’s get fancy and refer to this process as “composing a photo.” You waited for that picture, and you probably got it. Good for you, right? Give yourself a pat on the fucking back. Too bad that’s out of style now.

It stems from the daily struggle in which photojournalists go out of their way to point out that no, they aren’t “art photographers” while at the same time envying the shit out of those who are.

That photo with every element in just the right place? Hate to tell you sweetheart, but it’s shit. It’s stuffy. Composition is for losers. Welcome to the new, radical, never-before-seen method of shooting from the hip.

Shooting from the hip is exactly what it sounds like. You hold up the camera, and click away without looking through the viewfinder when you see something interesting. I mean, why would you want to take the risk of making good photos?

You go home and check out your take after this motor-driving blind bonanza, and what do you end up with. Hm, well this one is kind of blurry. This one is kind of cool…but it’s so tilted that it looks like a scene from Vertigo. Oh, this one’s great! Wait…is that a penis in the corner? Maybe this didn’t work out so well after all.

Let’s face it. You have a few good accidental frames, but most of your take is of stranger’s crotches. Give it up. You’re no fucking Scott Strazzante (unless you actually are, and in that case, hello!).

So I actually want to be a photojournalist. I'm currently kind of a freshman at a college I don't want to stay at. Should I try to transfer to a school in NYC and talk to a shit load of PJs until one offers me an unpaid internship? Should I follow my plans of doing college, then the Peace Corps for a year or two, then grad school, then trying to become a PJ?

Should I just forget all of this and try to become a humanitarian, working for some NGO in some country 50 people give a shit about?

Thu, 09 Jun 2011 22:26:00 -0400

REAL TALK, Y’ALL

1. No unpaid internships. Experience is nice, but a photog’s gotta eat.

2. You don’t have to study photojournalism to be a photojournalist, but it helps. I know that being surrounded by peers who shared my passion helped me get motivated.

3. You don’t have to move to NYC, even though it is a fuckin’ sweet city. Some of the best PJ schools are out in the middle of nowhere: University of Missouri, Ohio University, and Western Kentucky, just to name a few.

3. As far as the NGO goes, if you give a shit about it, then it matters.

-T